Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS