I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.