I'm an idiot
Non-Jews are for practice
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to stop coming to work sober
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.