proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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