I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.