Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
