; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
