i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize