a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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