Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
