i just wanna soil my oats bro
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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