i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
