dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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