We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
