i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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