Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
