so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
