we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
