Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
