Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
