there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
