It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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