That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
