its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
