in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
