So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
