How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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