i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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