You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
