i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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