hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
