tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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