He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
