When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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