My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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