Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
