absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
