I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
