alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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