He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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