So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
