I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
