Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
