6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
