How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize