My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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