For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
