the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
