And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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