jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
