if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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