oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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