I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
