Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
