I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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