I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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