I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
