I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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