nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
