According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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