Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
