so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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