im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
