Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize