I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
